I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
