I just pynch a tree in the face
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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