I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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