how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
