I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
