He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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