Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
