Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
