Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
