Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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