watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize