I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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