He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
