what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
