I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
