He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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