Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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