this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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