I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
