Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
