i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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