At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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