I wish my penis had an off switch
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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