Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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