I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
