her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
