That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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