Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
