Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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