Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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