i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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