i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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