Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
