My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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