Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
