i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
