If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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