i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
