Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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