Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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