I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The air taste purple.
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