Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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