I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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