so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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