Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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