I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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