I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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