im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
