dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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