Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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