Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
