omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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