Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
