somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
