i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum