wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.