Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
