I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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