We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
