Screwed.edu
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sext me about skeletons
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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