As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
