He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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