I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
